Driving and Dreams

This is a dream.  I'm driving somewhere - to work maybe? - and there is a turn in the road.  I need to take a right. I see the light going from green, to yellow and really quickly red.  I need to hit the brakes.  My brains know it but when I look down at my feet I are not moving. I am paralyzed and I think about physically moving my legs with my hands.  I swerve into on-coming traffic, crash and come to a stop.  Thankfully no one is hurt except for a little car damage. I think I'm ok. Some cops come see me. They say they won't press charges as long at it was not intentional... is was not intentional right? I look around me and I realize I'm sitting on the wrong side of the car. The side I'm used to driving on in Pakistan and I think to myself of course I wasn't able to hit the brakes.  The cops say that they won't press charges as not as no one has filed charges.  I feel luckily, no one has filed charges.  I'm scared of what having a charge means.  A women to the right of me I realize has been watching me talk to the cops the whole time.  She says that she wants to file charges. The cops say now they are required to file charges.  I somehow have a shotgun strapped to the top of my car. This is normal in dream-land but the cops need to take it down now that I'm getting charged.  The cop takes the gun and sees that it's loaded.  Now I'm in even bigger trouble.

I've probably been having driving dreams since I was a teenager.  I'm assuming it's since I was at least about to drive and not prior.  The car always represents my life, where it's going and it's momentum.  Me in the car, not being able to hit the brakes or steer or get where I'm going always represents my feeling of helplessness and lack of control.

Two things in this dream stick out. One is that I see the signs changing and I can't react fast enough.  I can't stop when I need to and I can't hit the brakes.  I think this definitely relates to what I am / was going through with a guy I just met.  I was a very short thing that we very on-on-on for one week and now is completely off.  I felt and still feel very disoriented but I really didn't see the signs, they changed too fast and I really didn't hit the brakes when I should have.

The other part that is interesting is when I realize I'm sitting on the wrong side of the car.  I think this alludes to me not having approached the situation taking into account that I'm not trying to date in Pakistan anymore.  As in, I wake up and realize that I was diving in a certain style, with certain rules that don't apply here.

I'm not sure what the women or the cops or the shotgun symbolize.  Maybe nothing.  Maybe just that mistakes have real consequences.


After The Quake: Haruki Murakami

Going to be sacrilegious and just go ahead and say it. I don't get nor, particularly enjoy Murakami. As in I know, he's the Japanese Wonder boy and I'm super un hip if I don't like him but like... whatever.  :POkay, maybe its just a half-truth. I don't think any of the short stories in After The Quake connected with me even though it really did try to take my time and read each one slowly and take post-story analysis breaks to extract meaning.I really liked "The Little Green Monster" which is part of The Elephant Vanishes collection, but I heard it on select shorts podcast so I think hearing a actor say the story make all the difference.Final query: Why do Audiobooks generally have the most monotone-voiced person telling the story? I recently heard The Tell Tale Heart on Selected Shorts and man, I've read the story before but it was AMAZING having heard it. And also the reason why David Sedaris audio books are so fun to listen to over and over again.  Alright, that's my rant of the day.